Favourite Quotes Page

Favourite Quotes

The best quote I always listen out for is 'that'll cost nowt'!! Ha but seriously as I hear amusing quotes I'll try and remember them ('cos usually in the pub so I forget 'em by morning) and list 'em down here for everyone to enjoy:

  • Better late than.... pregnant! Pamela Savin
  • Go to the right places, do the right things, finish what you start. David Snowball
  • God created the world but the dutch created The Netherlands The dutch themselves
  • The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing. Henry Ford
  • Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia (Joseph Wood Krutch)
  • Everyone here brings happiness... Some by arriving.. Some by leaving (Anon)
  • You've been with Susan for a year now... Either you think you've got a future or you should just get married (Steve Moffat: Coupling)
  • There are only 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand binary and those who don't. (Gary Burgess)
  • The english never draw a line without blurring it (Winston Churchill)
  • If all roads lead to Rome... How do you get to Grimsby? (Steve Ward)
  • Nostalgia isn't what it used to be (Frank Ormesher)
  • I am to computing what King Herod was to child care (Steve Ward)
  • My mother told me that to keep a man you need to be a maid in the lounge, a cook in the kitchen and a hoar in the bedroom. I told her I'd look after the last one and hire the other two (Jerry Hall cited by Phillip Hudson, Ta la)
  • I've had amnesia for as long as I can remember (Steve Ward)
  • 99% of women drivers give the rest a bad name (John Cross)
  • Borrow money from pessimists.... they don't expect it back (John Cross)
  • If at first you don't succeed.... destroy all the evidence that you even tried ! (John Cross)
  • Life is like a box of chocolates....... I just have a box full of coffee creams (John Cross)
  • Cobblers to the gentry (A pub sign depicting an old advert for cobblers, Derby Arms)
  • It takes no courage to sleep with an ugly woman, just the price of a bottle of whisky.... it takes no courage for a woman to sleep with an ugly man, just a sense of humour (John Cross)
  • Accepting a drink off a beuatiful woman is like.. well accepting a drink off a beuatiful woman (Swiss Tony.. er I mean the Man with No Name)
  • If you touch it you have to eat it! (Me to Gill W after she tried to put back a star mix into the bowl)
  • Diapers and politicians need to be changed regularly and both for the same reason (Mark Twain)
  • It'll only take a minute... thats why its called stir fry....hmmmm? (politics forbids me to state who the originator of this is!)
  • I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered. (George Best)
  • Life is too important to be taken seriously (Oscar Wilde)
  • The only man to have his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe. (who knows?)
  • A woman's place is in the wrong (Ged McIntrye, who I worked with in Old Swan Benefits Office).
  • Madam, I may be drunk but in the morning I will be sober. You on the other hand will still be ugly! (Winston Churchill)
  • If someone does not smile at you, be generous and offer your own smile. Nobody needs a smile more than the one that cannot smile to others. (who knows?)
  • All the Worlds a stage and all the men are merely players (or something from Shakespear)
  • Shes not the brightest button (not bulb!) in the box (politics forbids me stating the originator of this but the irony is so funny)
  • I used to be Snow White but I kinda drifted (May West)
  • I have many faults but being wrong isn't one of them (sign on the wall in the White Lion pub, Glenridding, Lake District)
  • Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean I'm wrong (Mark Shaw, the Man with No Name who I worked with at HSE)
  • I'm very famous... its just that nobody knows me (The Famous man, Aziz Gültekin, and a fab waiter at the Bacchus restaurant, Mamaris Turkey)
  • Life is just a Sexually Transmitted Disease (Mark Shaw, the Man with No Name who I worked with at HSE)
  • The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them (Sue Valentine, who I worked with at HSE)
  • The Continentals have sex. The English have hot-water bottles. (George Mikes)
  • No-one succeeds more than a toothless budgie (David Nixon, my O'level maths teacher)
  • Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.  (David Walker, who I worked with at HSE)
  • A loving wife will do anything for her husband except stop criticising and trying to improve him. (JB Priestley)
  • Its better to remain silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. (anon)
  • I'm not lazy, i just dont do anything I don't have to (Toby Hills)
  • If it makes my eyes water I won't put it in my mouth (Gill Wrigley)
  • No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent (Eleanor Roosevelt)
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